My Response To "aflame" on "Gay Monogamy"

Well, i wish i could say that you were 100% wrong, but unfortunately you are not.  My observations and life experiences have led me to know and believe the same things as you, albeit, maybe not to the same degree.  What i mean by that, is that i do not believe that 99% of gay men cannot or will not be monogamous.   I think it's probably closer to the 80% mark, that still not being much to write home about.  Also, you are basing your beliefs on gay men who often openly socialize at gay bars, baths and a multitude of other gay venues.   One thing that i realized early on is that there are a number of gays in committed relationships, who did not go to these places, many of whom were not known to mainstream gays and their more public gay lifestyles.   I would suggest that most(not all)of these gay men were monogamous.  These gay people i class as the "silent minority", largely unknown to the rest of the gay community, let alone straight society itself.

I understand, appreciate, and can relate to your disgust and disappointment towards most gays in this regard.  However, one must be careful not to use that broad brush too brutally.  Because you heart has been mangled, it's too easy for your eyes not to see clearly and fail to recognize that which is good and proud within most individual gay people.   Yes, all too often there is a lack of reality, depth and real love-committment within our own kind...that is sad!  But, does that mean that there is no love of any kind, no goodness of any kind, or no capacity to know and give love?  Of course not. 

Let's take a look at our straight-counterparts.  How many men and women are faithful to their partners?  What is the divorce rate?  Well, neither of these two statistics are anything to write home about either.  Yet the straight world has always had everthing in their favour going for them.  The sanction of religion, church, culture and governments all throughout history.  How could these straight partnerships ever go wrong?...but they do and big time!!!   What do most straight men ever talk about most from the time that they are young...sex and sports!   There is very little difference in their thinking about wanting sex and getting horned up over all kinds of women, whether they are married or not.  Are they really any better than the gay people on this issue?

Over-all, i tend to agree with you on much of what you have said.  I just ask that you don't get discouraged or allow anyone to discourage you.  You sound like a decent human being full of love to give to someone deserving of it.  Keep faith, keep love and leave judgement to a much higher Being!

   

The Myth Of Gay Monogamy - A Gay Man Speaks Out!

by aflame @ Wednesday, 09. Feb, 2011 – 09:45:25

On Monday I found this comment waiting to be moderated. While it is available on the following page http://aflame.blog.co.uk/2010/07/07/the-myth-of-gay-monogamy-8930136/#c15045841 I thought it was so important I'd give it a post of its own. The author of the comment is to be commended for his bravery and his honesty as he recognises that people will be angry with him. But he has chosen to speak what he sees as the truth of the homosexual lifestyle when it comes to relationships.
I'm a gay male who also happens to be Christian. I live in Australia where gay marriage is still not legalised. I believe that my orientation is not a choice, but my faith is. I do not believe that being gay is sinful. I believe it is an orientation not a sin. I also believe that there is a difference between being gay and living a gay 'lifestyle'. No matter what your orientation is, you are capable of choosing your behaviours and how you treat others - including your partner. I also believe that marriage by it's very nature is about monogamy and many other things too. If you aren't willing to make a vow to be faithful to your partner and to put it into practice, then you shouldn't get married. Rather just have a live-in relationship. Many heterosexual people do this too. I've always supported gay marriage in principal, but at the same time questioned it's viability given the awful track record that the majority of the gay community has with the way they treat their partners and their relationships. I have witnessed and experienced this first-hand and will not back down on the issue. I know my fellow gays will be very angry at what I'm about to say but I will not back down on this matter. I feel too strongly about it. I've seen and experienced too much in the gay scene and I simply will not be silent on the matter. There has to be a change for the better, and as a community we do have to consider the facts and reflect on them. If we do not do this, we can not expect to be taken seriously and are fooling ourselves and entering into gay marriage on a whim. I believe that if the gay community so badly wants the right to marry then they need to show cause for their case. They need to show that they are ready to do it PROPERLY. From my personal experience 99% of gay males are promiscuous and can not treat a partner with any form of love, dignity, faithfulness or respect. Instead, partners are treated like consumable items that are to be used and discarded once your sexual urges carry you elsewhere. Yes, this is completely true. Let's not be foolish enough to deny it. I have walked a very long road to healing because of horrendous relationship experiences I've had with other gay men. I went into the gay world with a Christian up-bringing and values. I went into the gay world full of hope that I'd meet a kind and loving man who wanted to share a life together and be monogamous. For me, if I love someone with my heart there is just no way I could ever cheat. It's just not a question and it doesn't even enter my mind. Well, let me tell you that my gay dating experiences in my 20's were like an induction into another world. I have experienced some form of infidelity or abuse in EVERY relationship without exception. Either I was being cheated on, or the person I was dating was actually cheating on their partner and not being truthful about it. Partners have also all been abusive to varying degrees. I have yet to encounter one man who has been different. In the gay scene I have seen countless examples of this in other gay people's lives. It has always made me sick to my stomach. Where is the love? What are gay relationships built on? Sexual gratification or love? Most gay men would scoff at me for still holding onto ideals such as love, monogamy and marriage. It's sad to see how their hearts have hardened. So lets ask ourselves, why do we want gay marriage so badly? Are we ready for it? Will we do it properly? I know I'd have no problem doing it properly if I got married and I'd love to get married one day if I met the right man. I also know of a very small number of wonderful gay men who certainly would do marriage properly too. However, I regret to say that the majority of gay men out there are not ready for marriage. I base everything I've said on hard evidence - observations and personal experiences. My comments are not based on irrationality.

Gay Marriage and Religion's Role In Politics!

Posted by Limor B

In his article “Religion, Politics and Culture” Jonathan Thompson argues that any initiative that bans gay marriage infringes on the rights of homosexuals and that religion does not belong in politics. Thompson explains that the constitutional amendment in Colorado and proposal 8 in California “erode equality and codify bigotry”. These laws have denied US citizens their rights to “freedom from” and “freedom of” religion. Thompson claims, just as Wald and Calhoun-Brown do in their book Religion and Politics in the United States, that religion has permeated politics. Thompson concedes that religion has been used in a positive manner in politics by citing the examples of the civil rights movement and the abolitionist movement but then claims that religion belongs “in the churches and the homes”.
While I agree with his argument about the laws pertaining to gay marriage, I do not agree that religion should not have any part in politics. As Thompson points out, religion has played a positive role in politics and I think there’s a lot of potential for the future. Religion should not be used in politics to deny citizens inalienable rights such as the right of privacy and of freedom from religion (as it does in the gay marriage legislation) but instead used to foster a sense of awareness of other people’s problems and bring about more social change. There are certain concepts that are prevalent in most religions that could be useful in politics. For example, “love thy neighbor” and “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” are both concepts that encourage tolerance and would be useful in addressing gay marriage. In addition to these universal concepts, religion imbues its followers with a sense of individual responsibility and accountability, which are definitely lacking in politics now.
While Thompson is correct that religion does have the potential to infringe on the rights of citizens who do not follow that specific religious code, he is also naïve to think that religion has no place in politics. True, religion’s role in politics can be flawed but without it would there have been a civil rights movement or the possibility of a tolerant enough constituency to elect the first African American president?

Is Being Gay A Choice?

Although many researchers continue to debate the origin of sexual orientation, most psychologists believe that being gay is not a choice—specifically since sexual orientation develops in early adolescence without any previous sexual experience. THe American Psychological Association says, “Although we can choose whether to act on our feelings, psychologists do not consider sexual orientation to be a conscious choice that can be voluntarily changed.”

Can Therapy Change My Sexual Orientation?

No. People don’t choose their sexual orientation, so it’s impossible for therapy to “cure” someone from being gay. Some therapy groups claim to be able to help gay people change their sexuality. In reality, they use techniques to help people suppress their sexual orientation, not cure it. And often their “success” stories are people who are in heterosexual relationships without sex. Many of these individuals are later found to continue to have same gender sex.

What Causes Homosexuality?

What causes homosexuality? There has been much debate about what causes homosexuality. Is there a gay gene? Is homosexuality caused by environmental factors, such as upbringing, child molestation, an absent mother or affectionate father? Or is it something we’re born with, an inherited trait, like skin or hair color?Although there have been few studies on the cause of homosexuality, the debate seems to be divided, with scientists in one corner and religious fundamentalists in another.